Here she is

I need to write down all the details so that her birth doesn't become all muddled in with Laney's. We are all healthy and my little GIRL arrived at the end of June! It was love. We said right from the start that we thought it was a girl, although, I was thrown off at the end by an ultrasound tech who said "lil fella" so I thought boy for the last two weeks.

Introducing,

Neve

I must say that I was terrified of going from one to two, but this hasn't seemed like too bad an adjustment at all. Maybe having a colicky first baby is a good thing because Neve's fussiness is no problem so far.

Laney is in love. It was a bit of an adjustment at first, but she has done great. She is so protective and sometimes tries to keep other people away from her.

I almost never put Neve down. I remember how quickly time flew with Laney so I have let a lot of things slide around the house. Housework will wait for me. Thank goodness for my moby wrap so I can hold her and play with Laney.

I am so happy.

Oh, and since I barely ever post, we get to skip right ahead to the smiles. Neve smiled exactly at one month which is way earlier than her big sister.

* Just an update, I've decided I don't want to use my kids' proper names on here so I've decided to call them by their nicknames on the blog instead.

Come on labour

When I was pregnant with Laney I was attending school full time. I wasn't ready when she arrived at 37 weeks and 3 days. I didn't have that "I'm so done with pregnancy moment" that I've heard so many mums talk about.

Until this time.

I assumed I'd probably be a little early with this one since they say you usually are earlier with each one.

Well this is me today at 39 weeks and 3 days.

The nursery is ready. I'm ready. Oh and my first little one broke her leg two weeks ago (buckle fracture) and she's walking again now.

I've been having false contractions and signs for over a week now. I'm scared that the longer it takes the more the doctor is going to start pushing for an induction and I don't want that pitocin this time.

I'm so ready to meet this little one.

Oh and this little one was supposed to be a surprise but the doctor sent me for an ultrasound last week and made a slip-up. She corrected herself but I'm pretty sure I know what the baby is now. It has made this past week extremely hard to not tell Mike or anyone else since I still want him to be surprised.

Here's hoping for baby soon

Guess What?

Well I had a post all written when I was once again six weeks pregnant. I'm a little further along than that now. I am 35 weeks to be precise.

This pregnancy is almost identical to my pregnancy with Laney. I got pregnant the first cycle after miscarriage, which seems to be the only way for me to carry the baby. There was one major difference, however, I almost lost this one too. I had a threatened miscarriage at 9 weeks and I was sure it was over. When I saw that beating heart on the ultrasound I couldn't believe it. It turns out that I had a blood clot behind the placenta.

We don't know if it is a boy or a girl but we are so excited as my due date gets closer.

A lesson in math

I don't take very much comfort in the statistics anymore.

When I lost my first baby, the doctors all told me that statistically I would probably never have another miscarriage. Thankfully, I had Laney with my next pregnancy, but I still didn't assume I would be in the clear. My own mother had three miscarriages. I'm already doing worse than her considering how she had child, miscarriage, child, for her first three pregnancies. I'm sitting at miscarriage, child, miscarriage.

This is why it is important to not put faith into statistics. Now that I've come up on the wrong side of statistics again, I'm reminded that I put my faith in a God who doesn't rely on drawing straws to decide our fate.

I'm going to throw myself into the next pregnancy with every fibre of my being. Mike says we need to celebrate every day of our babies' lives. I don't know how my heart will take it. I am managing this time because I kept myself detached. But, I'm done with statistics.

Poor Laney. "Mummy sad," and "Mummy crying" aren't phrases I want to become commonplace.

Miscarriage

Kind of kicking myself for not waiting an extra day to announce my pregnancy. Anyways, to keep it short and simple for now, I am losing this baby. I will write about it when I feel up to it.

I am doing well and looking forward to moving on. I'm glad I have Laney to snuggle up with since I will never get to hold this little one.

Mostly, I'm just afraid that there will be more down the road. I want to have a big family, but I'm afraid that might not happen.

1 month in

I took a few pregnancy tests during the second week of August. They were negative, but then, after the time limit a faint line would appear. This kept happening. So I bought a couple more tests and said I wasn't going to test again for a few more days.

Like I could wait. The motivation for taking the next test was the fact that I was spending my last day at the beach. Miracle Beach to be exact. I figured that there couldn't be a better place to take find out that I was expecting. So, right before we headed for home, I stopped in at the bathroom on the beach. Two lines appeared immediately.

So this is the place I thanked God for new life.

I'm currently six weeks along. The first trimester leaves me feeling in limbo. I have a 50% success rate with pregnancy so far. Hence why I am not letting myself get too excited about the new baby.

I am, however, not going to let my apprehension keep me from celebrating this point in time. Because, there is new life growing in me. And that is worth celebrating.


My stomach already feels like it is sticking out a bit. I know I still had leftover to get rid of, but that is going to have to wait awhile. As much as I've enjoyed shrinking over the past several months, I'm ready to grow again.

Grow baby grow.

Change can be good

I vividly remember sitting in our minivan on my eighth birthday and thinking how I was now a big kid. I was so excited to leave the babyish things behind. It's funny now, because sometimes I imagine going back to my childhood and reliving it knowing what I do now. I miss being a kid. Remember when you thought your parents could make anything OK? Having no stress? 

Life is change. Sometimes, change is hard and it’s difficult to move on. It is so easy to get caught up in the past even thought time keeps moving forward, whether we do or not. 

The changing of the seasons is one change I can get behind. Even though there are things we miss as we move into the next one, each one comes with its own delights. There is something completely magical about each one. Kind of like babies, really. Every age so far is my favourite. I still can't help looking back at Laney's first photos and wondering how she changed so fast. 

Summer is one of the shortest seasons where we live and we are trying to soak up as much as we can before Autumn announces its arrival.

A day in the city with Laney, her cousin, and Auntie 

This summer has brought another first for Laney: the beach. Oh, how she loves the water. We recently spent some time in my hometown and also visited my parents. Laney easily spent entire days at the beach. She is a water baby just like me. I’m not one to sit on the beach in the sun. If I’m on a beach, I’m in the water. It is so thrilling to enjoy it with my Little One.

This summer has also brought another big change to our household. Ready, here goes. I am pregnant. Number two is on the way. I want to be so excited about it, but there is still the fear that I’ll lose this baby like I did my first. I am caught up between going ahead with the dreaming and excitement and reigning myself in to try to protect my heart.

But, really I’m mostly telling myself to take it day by day. And just thanking God for the little life, no matter what happens.