Miscarriage

Kind of kicking myself for not waiting an extra day to announce my pregnancy. Anyways, to keep it short and simple for now, I am losing this baby. I will write about it when I feel up to it.

I am doing well and looking forward to moving on. I'm glad I have Laney to snuggle up with since I will never get to hold this little one.

Mostly, I'm just afraid that there will be more down the road. I want to have a big family, but I'm afraid that might not happen.

1 month in

I took a few pregnancy tests during the second week of August. They were negative, but then, after the time limit a faint line would appear. This kept happening. So I bought a couple more tests and said I wasn't going to test again for a few more days.

Like I could wait. The motivation for taking the next test was the fact that I was spending my last day at the beach. Miracle Beach to be exact. I figured that there couldn't be a better place to take find out that I was expecting. So, right before we headed for home, I stopped in at the bathroom on the beach. Two lines appeared immediately.

So this is the place I thanked God for new life.

I'm currently six weeks along. The first trimester leaves me feeling in limbo. I have a 50% success rate with pregnancy so far. Hence why I am not letting myself get too excited about the new baby.

I am, however, not going to let my apprehension keep me from celebrating this point in time. Because, there is new life growing in me. And that is worth celebrating.


My stomach already feels like it is sticking out a bit. I know I still had leftover to get rid of, but that is going to have to wait awhile. As much as I've enjoyed shrinking over the past several months, I'm ready to grow again.

Grow baby grow.

Change can be good

I vividly remember sitting in our minivan on my eighth birthday and thinking how I was now a big kid. I was so excited to leave the babyish things behind. It's funny now, because sometimes I imagine going back to my childhood and reliving it knowing what I do now. I miss being a kid. Remember when you thought your parents could make anything OK? Having no stress? 

Life is change. Sometimes, change is hard and it’s difficult to move on. It is so easy to get caught up in the past even thought time keeps moving forward, whether we do or not. 

The changing of the seasons is one change I can get behind. Even though there are things we miss as we move into the next one, each one comes with its own delights. There is something completely magical about each one. Kind of like babies, really. Every age so far is my favourite. I still can't help looking back at Laney's first photos and wondering how she changed so fast. 

Summer is one of the shortest seasons where we live and we are trying to soak up as much as we can before Autumn announces its arrival.

A day in the city with Laney, her cousin, and Auntie 

This summer has brought another first for Laney: the beach. Oh, how she loves the water. We recently spent some time in my hometown and also visited my parents. Laney easily spent entire days at the beach. She is a water baby just like me. I’m not one to sit on the beach in the sun. If I’m on a beach, I’m in the water. It is so thrilling to enjoy it with my Little One.

This summer has also brought another big change to our household. Ready, here goes. I am pregnant. Number two is on the way. I want to be so excited about it, but there is still the fear that I’ll lose this baby like I did my first. I am caught up between going ahead with the dreaming and excitement and reigning myself in to try to protect my heart.

But, really I’m mostly telling myself to take it day by day. And just thanking God for the little life, no matter what happens.