Back to basics

I can't believe that it was almost three years ago that I attempted to train for 100 push-ups.  That just shows how it is all well and good to have goals, but if you don't actually stick with them you end up  further down the road with nothing changed. Ok, that isn't to say that I made zero progress, because looking back, I couldn't do a single push-up. And I did get close to my weight goal before getting pregnant again.

But... I am pretty much back where I started. I am not giving up, however.

I may struggle, I may temporarily give up, but I will keep trying again,

I did the initial test this time and thankfully I managed two push-ups. I am now up to 22 push-ups in five reps. I totally recommend this program, you guys. It is amazing how quickly improvement takes place.

Coming up..

I've been looking at a few basic fitness tests so that I have a standard both to compare my progress with and to aspire to. I will show you which one I plan to use soon.

Undoing the anxiety also known as How to stop the panic attacks

After I wrote the last post coming out as a sufferer of panic attacks, I was not in a good place. I spent the next week with some of the worst panic attacks I have had to date. I felt for periods of time that I was constantly on the verge of another one.

Since then, I have not had any full-on panic attacks, just one minor attack that ended rather quickly.

How did they stop?

1. I let go and let God.

I confessed my feelings of always needing to control situations to God. I asked forgiveness and spent time reading the Bible and praying. I felt very strongly that God was telling me, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." I felt peace. I knew that no matter how and no matter what, God is in control.

2. Give in to the panic

There was something about God's peace that told me that even if I should suffer more panic attacks that everything is well and that God is in control. It had given me the freedom to just let go when I feel an attack coming. I just say to the panic, "go ahead. Do your worst," and I pray. It is such a freeing feeling that the panic attacks have not fully panned out.

3. Get enough sleep

This one has been key for me. I noticed that nearly all of my panic attacks were occurring in the middle of the night, usually when I'd gone to bed too late.

I'm guessing that this issue isn't over for me. What is over is the terrifying fear that comes with with the panic attacks. God is in control and he offers peace to us that surpasses all understanding. I just have to accept it.

Liv is Back...Alright

What is the point of this blog anyways?

I wanted to use it as a tool to hold myself accountable to the changes I wanted to make in my life. Changes I still want to make, with added ones along the way.

Probably my highest weight

Right before I got pregnant with the 2nd baby I miscarried

Somewhere along the line, I started reading other blogs and I lost my own vision for this blog. Of course I should be sharing pictures of my children and documenting their lives, or so I thought. So, instead of using this space to challenge myself to change for the better, I started using it as a place to scrapbook Laney's activities. And then I kind of just stopped.

I want to capture memories of my children growing up, but lately, I have been plagued with questions about whether or not I want that information online. I have started the process of creating photo books to document their lives and I would like to claim this space for me. That is not to say that I will never share about them or put any photos up, but I would like to keep their stories mainly to themselves as I can't take back anything I put out there about them.

Also, I need this space for me. Everything about my life is so heavily entrenched in my children, even my own identity. And, I'm going crazy. Not because of them, but because I am not taking care of myself properly. I love my kids. Therefore, I need to be the best person I can be so that I can be the best mother to them.

So rather than publish another list showing all my crazy goals, I've decided to start slow.
I want to start by documenting my weight loss, so I plan to focus on that goal for awhile.

Here I go again.

P.S. I do plan do give an update soon on my anxiety and panic attacks.