I have this thing in which I don't like leaving Laney in others' care because I feel like no one will watch her as closely as I will. It's a pathetic control thing that I am having a hard time shaking. However, yesterday I wasn't watching closely enough. It happened partially because something threw me off my routine. Normally when I get Laney out of her crib after a nap, we walk down the hallway and I make sure the doors and the baby gate are closed. Yesterday Mike phoned right as I was taking her out of the crib. I ran down the hallway without closing the baby gate to answer in time. During the call I put Laney down, forgetting about the gate. A couch blocks my view so I can't see if the gate is open or closed from the living room. I can see Laney, but not the gate.
The next thing I knew, I heard a sickening thud. Then crying. I yelled and dropped the phone. I found Laney on the second to last step facing up. I grabbed her and she calmed down fairly quickly to my great relief (showing she wasn't injured). I examined her and she had a small bump on her head and her knee. I couldn't stop shaking. It actually took me hours to calm all the way down.
I almost wish I would have seen her fall, because maybe then I wouldn't have these imaginary reenactments going on in my head. You know all those detailed, slow-motion clips that play over and over? The list of possible what-ifs that accompany a near-miss? The overwhelming guilt. If only I had watched her closer, if I hadn't gotten distracted. But, maybe her fall would have looked worse than it actually was and it is better I didn't see it. She must have fallen pretty good to land the way she did and to only have a little bump or two.
In a way, it was a good reminder to me. No matter how closely I think I watch her, no matter how hard I try and control every little thing in her life, I am imperfect. I am flawed. I was reminded of this. I was also reminded that she does have someone who is perfect watching over her. That is cause for peace.
Besides me allowing my baby to hurt herself, we have had a lot of fun this past week. We've finally got the weather we hoped for all summer long. It has been a nice mix of beautifully coloured leaves and warm air. On one hand, I want to go running through sprinklers and on the other, I want to curl up in front of a fire, wearing my comfiest sweater, while cinnamon buns bake in the oven. Whatever season it currently is, it is beautiful and I have been trying to ensure that we make the most of it.
One reason why I am glad for this hot weather is the fact that I was finally able to catch this shot. All summer long I would glance back over my shoulder to see two pudgy little baby feet casually crossed. It always made me smile. When the cold weather came, I was disappointed to realize that I had not taken a single picture. I made sure to get a photo this week when we were able to get outside with no shoes or socks. Next year when we get to experience bare feet outside, there will be no baby feet to photograph. My baby is fast turning into a toddler.
This is our first autumn in our new town and I think our park looks delightful in this season.
Laney loves autumn too. She can't get enough of all the leaves on the ground. For every smiling picture I get of her, there are probably five of her trying to shove leaves into her mouth.
And oh how we love having cousins for Laney. Three girl cousins within three years of her to be exact (two of these within six months). We were blessed to have Isla out for a visit.
I wonder what she is thinking here. Thanks God for leaves to play with, I think.
I think it is bliss that I got my wish. Laney is a full-fledged walker and she was able to learn in barefeet on green grass.
Get out there and enjoy yourselves my friends.