A lesson in math

I don't take very much comfort in the statistics anymore.

When I lost my first baby, the doctors all told me that statistically I would probably never have another miscarriage. Thankfully, I had Laney with my next pregnancy, but I still didn't assume I would be in the clear. My own mother had three miscarriages. I'm already doing worse than her considering how she had child, miscarriage, child, for her first three pregnancies. I'm sitting at miscarriage, child, miscarriage.

This is why it is important to not put faith into statistics. Now that I've come up on the wrong side of statistics again, I'm reminded that I put my faith in a God who doesn't rely on drawing straws to decide our fate.

I'm going to throw myself into the next pregnancy with every fibre of my being. Mike says we need to celebrate every day of our babies' lives. I don't know how my heart will take it. I am managing this time because I kept myself detached. But, I'm done with statistics.

Poor Laney. "Mummy sad," and "Mummy crying" aren't phrases I want to become commonplace.

Miscarriage

Kind of kicking myself for not waiting an extra day to announce my pregnancy. Anyways, to keep it short and simple for now, I am losing this baby. I will write about it when I feel up to it.

I am doing well and looking forward to moving on. I'm glad I have Laney to snuggle up with since I will never get to hold this little one.

Mostly, I'm just afraid that there will be more down the road. I want to have a big family, but I'm afraid that might not happen.

1 month in

I took a few pregnancy tests during the second week of August. They were negative, but then, after the time limit a faint line would appear. This kept happening. So I bought a couple more tests and said I wasn't going to test again for a few more days.

Like I could wait. The motivation for taking the next test was the fact that I was spending my last day at the beach. Miracle Beach to be exact. I figured that there couldn't be a better place to take find out that I was expecting. So, right before we headed for home, I stopped in at the bathroom on the beach. Two lines appeared immediately.

So this is the place I thanked God for new life.

I'm currently six weeks along. The first trimester leaves me feeling in limbo. I have a 50% success rate with pregnancy so far. Hence why I am not letting myself get too excited about the new baby.

I am, however, not going to let my apprehension keep me from celebrating this point in time. Because, there is new life growing in me. And that is worth celebrating.


My stomach already feels like it is sticking out a bit. I know I still had leftover to get rid of, but that is going to have to wait awhile. As much as I've enjoyed shrinking over the past several months, I'm ready to grow again.

Grow baby grow.

Change can be good

I vividly remember sitting in our minivan on my eighth birthday and thinking how I was now a big kid. I was so excited to leave the babyish things behind. It's funny now, because sometimes I imagine going back to my childhood and reliving it knowing what I do now. I miss being a kid. Remember when you thought your parents could make anything OK? Having no stress? 

Life is change. Sometimes, change is hard and it’s difficult to move on. It is so easy to get caught up in the past even thought time keeps moving forward, whether we do or not. 

The changing of the seasons is one change I can get behind. Even though there are things we miss as we move into the next one, each one comes with its own delights. There is something completely magical about each one. Kind of like babies, really. Every age so far is my favourite. I still can't help looking back at Laney's first photos and wondering how she changed so fast. 

Summer is one of the shortest seasons where we live and we are trying to soak up as much as we can before Autumn announces its arrival.

A day in the city with Laney, her cousin, and Auntie 

This summer has brought another first for Laney: the beach. Oh, how she loves the water. We recently spent some time in my hometown and also visited my parents. Laney easily spent entire days at the beach. She is a water baby just like me. I’m not one to sit on the beach in the sun. If I’m on a beach, I’m in the water. It is so thrilling to enjoy it with my Little One.

This summer has also brought another big change to our household. Ready, here goes. I am pregnant. Number two is on the way. I want to be so excited about it, but there is still the fear that I’ll lose this baby like I did my first. I am caught up between going ahead with the dreaming and excitement and reigning myself in to try to protect my heart.

But, really I’m mostly telling myself to take it day by day. And just thanking God for the little life, no matter what happens.

Toddler hijinks

~Always investigate if your toddler is in the room next door. This is especially important if there is an unusually long period of silence. 

Ah, the toddler milestones. Figure out how to open the fridge- check. Discover the funnest foods to play with- check. 

This literally occurred moments after telling Mike (while Laney was in the other room) how I was not looking forward to her figuring out how to open the fridge. I have no idea if this occurrence was a crazy coincidence or if she heard me talking to Mike and got the idea. They are so much smarter than we realize. 

UPDATE: Since this feat, she has discovered how to open the latch on the cabinet doors under the sink. Yikes.

In other toddler development news, after waking up in her crib last night, we could hear this from the living room, "Mummy, mummmmy, mummy, Mike, Mike, Miiiiiike, Mummy, Mike." I have no idea why she has decided to start alternately calling her daddy Mike. It's probably not helping that I laugh. 

I decided to go in after a little while (I have discovered that Laney alone and awake for any length of time do not mix).

She was completely naked. Her pajamas, blankets, soother, magical seahorse, and diaper lay in a neat pile on the floor. There were only two puddles in her crib. No poop. It's the small victories that really matter.

The longest day of the year

I will not let the mosquitoes win. This summer, well all one day of it, I have decided that I am not going to hide from the mosquitoes. I will suck it up and use bug spray.

After all, we only have a short window of time to enjoy the beautiful weather. If you're wondering why this is, I've created a lovely (and completely accurate) depiction of our Alberta seasons.

If I ever come across billions of dollars, I will immediately offer the majority of my fortune to the person who discovers a way to make those pesky mosquitoes extinct.

I really don't think they're necessary.

I get huge welts from the bites.

I can't stop scratching them.

On the bright side, we don't have malaria (among other diseases) here so I really shouldn't be complaining. For me it's just a nuisance and for others, it's a matter of life and death.

Anyways, that was fun. No really, I have been having fun with Laney. She is a little water baby just like I am. "Sfimming" is one of her favourite activities. And, I'm constantly bombarded with "side, side, side" which of course means "take me outside now, mummy."

Daddy gave it to her

My child loves the park. And since I need the exercise, I decided today was an excellent one for a bike ride to our favourite spot.

She looks so big playing here.

The swing gets a "thumbs up"

I can't believe that at this time last year she was crawling around in the grass. A lot can happen in one year.

Happy Summer. Enjoy it. It goes by way too fast.

Snippets of spring

Happy (belated) Mother's day to all you mums out there.

I had a very low-key, albeit enjoyable day. I worked on the Sunday so we celebrated on Monday instead. I got to sleep in (as I get to most weekends thanks to Mike) and then we just went out and spent time as a family.

Laney is totally enamoured with the great outdoors. This morning the first thing she said to me after getting out of bed was "side, side, mummy, side" which means outside. Ever since the snow melted a couple of weeks ago she wants to do nothing else. Even bringing her inside to eat meals can trigger meltdowns. She doesn't notice she's hungry out there.

Here's some pics from the past few weeks. I need to buy some secondhand play clothing. We are getting all her clothing stained in a hurry.

I wish I had a picture from behind. She sat down in a puddle. She then screamed when I took her indoors to get dried off and warmed up. As you can tell from the pictures it wasn't exactly a warm spring day.

And these are from Easter

One thing's certain. This kid loves "chocate" just like her daddy. Chocolate is something she has started asking me for fairly often since she got some at Easter. It sucks saying no. And I don't all the time.

She's just woken up so it's outside we go.

Keeping it real

I haven't lived up to my goal of weekly weight-loss updates. No excuses. And, thankfully it's not because I haven't been making any progress. I have. Big time. I just haven't had much time for the blog lately. I never want this to feel like a chore. I blog about trying to improve myself because it keeps me accountable and I enjoy it. If I don't feel like posting then I just won't.

Alright, on with the update already.

I am down 20 lbs since I really started trying to lose weight at the end of February. Yay. The not-so-great right now is that I'm currently stuck in a plateau. I'm not cheating at all on food and I started exercising almost every day. I have been stuck at the same weight for almost two weeks. Boo. It was so tempting to quit exercising. The weight was falling off just fine until I decided adding exercise in would be a good idea. I am pushing through for the time being because I feel great and I know it is good for me in the long run.

Moving on. I look slightly put together for me today. I bought this shirt today and was so happy with the way the clothing I tried on fit my body. I can't wait until my current clothing doesn't fit anymore.

I am not wearing any makeup today as per usual. Do you get used to wearing makeup everyday? I hardly ever put it on and when I do it feels so uncomfortable on my face. I really want to start wearing some more often.

I do need to work on looking a little more put together overall. Jogging pants are too comfortable. I think it's time to wear something that is a little more form fitting. We'll leave the heels for awhile longer I think.

Thanks for following along with me.

Laney had a little lamb

Moving right along to Spring. Here is (hopefully) the last winter shot I have for you until later this year. We had a blizzard last weekend. It melted away fairly quickly in the next few days as it warmed up. We made sure to let Laney enjoy the snow while it was here.

Later in the week we were able to visit a sheep farm. We went to see the spring lambs. Oh my. Laney was so excited. She ran around saying "bah bah" the entire time.

I want a lamb.

Cellulite vs cellulitis

It has been a crazy month. I've been left with little free time. Mike has been gone for work so I've been flying solo. And, of course that's why things have gone haywire. I came down with a facial infection called cellulitis which can be pretty serious. I ended up having two days of IV antibiotics. Fun. It is better now, but I have to share with you something I found hilarious.

The remains of my IV

I went into worry mode when I was told what I had. Mike reminded me that I need to trust God with everything and I spent the evening reading my Bible and feeling 100% better about the situation. I asked some friends to pray for me on facebook and told them that I had cellulitis. Apparently at least half of my friends thought I was being funny and was asking for prayer for my cellulitE. One took me seriously and told me that he didn't think it was that serious but that he would pray anyways, and maybe I should just play some soccer and go to the gym. I laughed so hard I cried. 

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And to totally change the subject, I figured that it is about time to post an update on my weight loss. I'm probably feeling the need because I actually have lost some weight!

I posted about a month ago that I joined a diet plan. I wasn't expecting much and by the following day I was having tremendous regrets.

The first three days were horrible. I had terrible headaches, no energy, and I was starving. Looking back, I think that this was due to sugar cravings. After I got past the first week, I felt great. And, I wasn't hungry any longer. This is by far the easiest diet I have ever done. And by easy, I don't mean that I don't pay much attention to what I eat. I am going by servings of the food groups. I actually have found my cravings for junk almost completely gone. I do sometimes have a little treat, but it is just a tiny amount. I'm OK to have a couple of bites and be done with it.

As of today I have lost 1/4 of the total weight I want to lose. In one month! I am seeing the inches drop as well as the numbers on the scale at a fairly rapid rate.

I truly feel for the first time in my life that eating this way can become my lifestyle. I'm not counting down the days until I can eat whatever I want. I am enjoying the healthy food. I know I will eat some of the bad stuff again, but I think at the end of this I will have gained the skills to make healthy eating a priority.

Spring hasn't sprung

Please excuse me if I'm not overly enthusiastic about Spring yet. Believe me, inside I'm dying to get together a good spring-cleaning list, bake some hot-cross buns, and bust out the pastels. But when I step outside my hopes are shattered. I mean, just last week I could see the lawn and some little patches of green. I was convinced it was here. I even bought Laney an Easter dress.

Don't you think this picture is more appropriate to a Christmas card than the view from my lawn in almost-April? I thought the added caption suited better than "Happy Spring"!

But enough complaining. I will appreciate the sun all the more when it makes its appearance. I did have some fun with my camera today. And those frost crystals are really pretty.

Happy spring to those of you who are blessed with its arrival!

One year ago

Happy St. Patrick's Day